Wednesday, June 22, 2011
my little moments of smiles
Lord please let me stay sane. I can feel me slipping back to that old rmythm of closing myself in. After that the selfishness sets in. Then the scitsing starts in, where I think no one cares about me, no one loves me, its only me know one will help, I'm all alone. Hell, my mentaility is already going that way. If I become the walking dead, "shoot" me. Don't let me go in cause I might stay this time. Mommas gone. She was a reason to stay together, now that she's not, well now what. I think I just need to do something for me and only me. Going to the dinner party was a good thing, I needed that a lot. My fam just don't know how much. I think its God way of saying, hey!, don't go there tedra. Cause, of course I asked for his help and I have to take joy in the little moments of smiles(ps I just thought of a moment to smile for!!!!)Okay, yeah, I have to remember those good memories and keep talking to God because boy, he has been good to me.
kiss kiss kisses
kiss kiss kisses
pecan pie
So okay, trying to do the bible study assignment. Slow to speak, quick to listen, slow to get angry...um, let's say that's not going well. Atleast I remember it after I've already act. Its okay, I got a whole week to perfect it, then mabey I can apply it to life everyday. I hope so cause I have a big problem of speaking before I think, then I'm in a pickle because I'm in a situation I should have thought about before opening my passive mouth. I always want to help people(and that's a good thing) but sometime (hopefully)in the present, I'll learn the difference between being taken advantage of and being helpful. HELP ME!!!! Oh the title means nothing except this DELICIOUS pecan pie I'm eating. Its lying right beside me now and I can smell it. Its not mine(that I bake) but its still good and oh my gosh I hope I don't eat the whole slice(its huge)
kiss kiss kisses
kiss kiss kisses
Sunday, June 19, 2011
small steps
I took a big step today. A step I haven't took in quite awhile. I told someone how I felt. Instead of keeping it in and letting it fester into resentment then eventually hate, I went into my sanctuary and talked it out. (Mostly n my head but I like to think God heard me.)
I went through every possible way the convo could go and what I would say. When I acutally had the conversation, it didn't come out at all like planned. I wrote something about change last week and learning, by God did that help. I opened my study book(like I always did nowadays when I'm stuck) and returned to one of the pages from last week.(I think be devine intervention.)
Here are a couple of paragraghaps from God's Graduate, "The head grows by taking in, but the heart grows by giving out.
"You're designed to grow. It is the job you're here to do. How you grow and how qiuckly you learn depends on this balence of head and heart. What you take and what you give are important to all that you become.....
"Growth is an action. Its something you do. You can welcome it, embrace it, and let it become an intentional part of your life, or you can be surpised when it feels thrust upon you without even beckoning it."(That's where I suffered. It was thrusted upon me and I did not like it, no way no how.) "Growing happens each time we hurt, each time we fall down, and each time we must start again."
(Comfort I learned is something we use as a way out, so that we dont have to deal with our realities. I met a very nice woman by the name of Vicki. And she told me things about me no one knew. Now we've all watch shows where good deductive skills play a huge hand in things like that but when I tell you I prayed for strength and she brought me so much more in six mintues that I've failed to "realized" or rathe denied, in my twenty two years.)
Augustine of Hippo said, "if you are pleased with what you are, you have stoped already. If you say, 'It is enough,' you are lost. Keep on walking, moving forward, trying for the goal. Don't try to stop on the way, or to go back, or to deviate from it."
"Growing means you keep walking. Today, walk intentionally toward those thngs that challenge your heart and mind and keep you aspiring to become more, give more, or believe more than you did yesterday."
(I hope those few words help you to deal with change. I know its hard but whatever God takes he replaces.)
Kiss, Kiss, Kisses
I went through every possible way the convo could go and what I would say. When I acutally had the conversation, it didn't come out at all like planned. I wrote something about change last week and learning, by God did that help. I opened my study book(like I always did nowadays when I'm stuck) and returned to one of the pages from last week.(I think be devine intervention.)
Here are a couple of paragraghaps from God's Graduate, "The head grows by taking in, but the heart grows by giving out.
"You're designed to grow. It is the job you're here to do. How you grow and how qiuckly you learn depends on this balence of head and heart. What you take and what you give are important to all that you become.....
"Growth is an action. Its something you do. You can welcome it, embrace it, and let it become an intentional part of your life, or you can be surpised when it feels thrust upon you without even beckoning it."(That's where I suffered. It was thrusted upon me and I did not like it, no way no how.) "Growing happens each time we hurt, each time we fall down, and each time we must start again."
(Comfort I learned is something we use as a way out, so that we dont have to deal with our realities. I met a very nice woman by the name of Vicki. And she told me things about me no one knew. Now we've all watch shows where good deductive skills play a huge hand in things like that but when I tell you I prayed for strength and she brought me so much more in six mintues that I've failed to "realized" or rathe denied, in my twenty two years.)
Augustine of Hippo said, "if you are pleased with what you are, you have stoped already. If you say, 'It is enough,' you are lost. Keep on walking, moving forward, trying for the goal. Don't try to stop on the way, or to go back, or to deviate from it."
"Growing means you keep walking. Today, walk intentionally toward those thngs that challenge your heart and mind and keep you aspiring to become more, give more, or believe more than you did yesterday."
(I hope those few words help you to deal with change. I know its hard but whatever God takes he replaces.)
Kiss, Kiss, Kisses
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Recognition
Do you recognize yourself in the mirror? Look at your face. What does it tell you? Do you see any new things or old things you may still carry? For how long will these learnings be written on our faces? Does it show our age or our ages? Can it actually morph us into someone different; but why? Why would our faces betray us?
Because our faces give us away every day. Whether we're angry, sad, happy or in love. I know when I wake up and the first time I see myself in the mirrior, I know what kind of day it will be. I make a conscience desicion right then and there, if I'll let it simmer for a minute before I walk out of my walls of comfort(I'll explain that later). Or, if I'll ride it out and see what the day will bring. Or mabey, right there, standing infront of the mirror, I say, today will be a good day. Today wil be a lazy day. Either way, I will recognize my face and decide to change or not to change.
I woke up today and did not recognize myself. This is the second day where I felt this way. Have I any reason not to LOOK like myself? Feel like myself, mabey. But to not look like me. That's scary. How can I not recognize who I am? Is it because change is happening or is it because I am losing myself? But shouldn't I still LOOK like me. They say the eyes are the windows to the soul, so what is my face-the gatekeeper? And why has he changed?
I once read, "Only you will know yourself well enough to be able to say out loud that you do need to change or you don't need to change." But what happens when that change is automatic and before you realize-hey, I've changed-its too late. Or is it? Or when will you know? Are there specific growth periods we must go through? If so can I get a handbook?
"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." So I ask this, who is deterinming your steps? Who are you changing for? If you're changing or you don't recognize you in the bathroom mirror, why? Are we not happy as we are, and our sub-concious says that we need a change. So without alerting our minds(and sometimes bodies) that a change is happening, we feel, icky. Not right. Like we need a reboot or something. Or mabey we don't recognize our faces.
But what makes us not know our faces? You look and you see you, but something different. Mabey your eyes look too small or your nose grew wider. You have more forehead than you remember. Has that double chin always been there? Have my eyes always been brown; I thought they were almond.
Well, if still you see something different and haven't a clue as to why, what have you done lately? Have you volunteered more that usual? Given more tithes? Cursed an elderly in the parking lot? Didn't open the door when the doorbell ranged, cause you didn't FEEL like it? Or what if you did? What if you opened the door when you didn't feel like it? Or mabey you didn't pay your tithes? Mabey you helped an elderly to and from her car AND during her shopping trip? Can those small things determine change? Yes. Those small changes can help us grow into better or worse people before we know it. Its said that its better to give than receive. We all know that the majority of us like to recieve more than give. So when we're asking, we need to be mindful of what we're asking. Those little questions can changes us.
"What you take and what you give are important to all you become." So another question, what have you given, or taken that has brought about such a drastic change? Or is it the task or the mentailty, of doing something different or moral in your own heart and in your God's eye? Again, the conscience decision to make a change. At what point do you stop ignoring that elderly lady who shops at your favorite store every Tuesday with you? When do you finally speak to the mailman instead of giving him the evil eye? Mabey you've let the neighborhood kids cut your yard and afterwards handed out freezy pops. And mabey, two weeks ago, you spoke to that person you avoided cause you would swear up and down that you both "hated" each other. Why would you do such a thing?
Have we learned to be better people or worse? Have we given ourselves to much or not enough? What have we given that we do not recognize our own face? What have we learned? To be nice? To put others before you? To be kind rewind? But how about that; let's rewind. So we've extened ourselves in a direction. We've either did right, did wrong or did something different. Have we learned to do something different and that difference has grown us to a place of none recognition? I say yes. If we have tried and done something out of our normal comfortable box, that has either affected us inside so much so as to effect our preception of ourselves on the outside, I say our eyes are just catching up to everythng else.
Change is about learning, its about growing. Henry Ford, said that, "anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty."
So, do we think that we've learned all that we had to learn. You are a crazy person to believe that. We are steadily growing, changing and learning. If you haven't really looked in the mirror in a while then mabey, its time. Mabey we've learned some things that we now must reflect on. Now we must determine if we want this change. You can learn from it, if you want it or, you will learn that this new change is not for you and you go back to your old ways. Again Henry Ford said it best.
All I can say is, change, learn grow. "Let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance." And may we recognize when change is happening on the inside so that we may never be startled by what we see on the outside. Let the two be in harmony and be just. For we decide our paths and God will lead us.
Works sited
God's Graduate;Moore K pg:24,92, 116
Holy Bible
Pg:Proverbs 16:9;2Peter 3:18; Proverbs 1:5
Because our faces give us away every day. Whether we're angry, sad, happy or in love. I know when I wake up and the first time I see myself in the mirrior, I know what kind of day it will be. I make a conscience desicion right then and there, if I'll let it simmer for a minute before I walk out of my walls of comfort(I'll explain that later). Or, if I'll ride it out and see what the day will bring. Or mabey, right there, standing infront of the mirror, I say, today will be a good day. Today wil be a lazy day. Either way, I will recognize my face and decide to change or not to change.
I woke up today and did not recognize myself. This is the second day where I felt this way. Have I any reason not to LOOK like myself? Feel like myself, mabey. But to not look like me. That's scary. How can I not recognize who I am? Is it because change is happening or is it because I am losing myself? But shouldn't I still LOOK like me. They say the eyes are the windows to the soul, so what is my face-the gatekeeper? And why has he changed?
I once read, "Only you will know yourself well enough to be able to say out loud that you do need to change or you don't need to change." But what happens when that change is automatic and before you realize-hey, I've changed-its too late. Or is it? Or when will you know? Are there specific growth periods we must go through? If so can I get a handbook?
"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." So I ask this, who is deterinming your steps? Who are you changing for? If you're changing or you don't recognize you in the bathroom mirror, why? Are we not happy as we are, and our sub-concious says that we need a change. So without alerting our minds(and sometimes bodies) that a change is happening, we feel, icky. Not right. Like we need a reboot or something. Or mabey we don't recognize our faces.
But what makes us not know our faces? You look and you see you, but something different. Mabey your eyes look too small or your nose grew wider. You have more forehead than you remember. Has that double chin always been there? Have my eyes always been brown; I thought they were almond.
Well, if still you see something different and haven't a clue as to why, what have you done lately? Have you volunteered more that usual? Given more tithes? Cursed an elderly in the parking lot? Didn't open the door when the doorbell ranged, cause you didn't FEEL like it? Or what if you did? What if you opened the door when you didn't feel like it? Or mabey you didn't pay your tithes? Mabey you helped an elderly to and from her car AND during her shopping trip? Can those small things determine change? Yes. Those small changes can help us grow into better or worse people before we know it. Its said that its better to give than receive. We all know that the majority of us like to recieve more than give. So when we're asking, we need to be mindful of what we're asking. Those little questions can changes us.
"What you take and what you give are important to all you become." So another question, what have you given, or taken that has brought about such a drastic change? Or is it the task or the mentailty, of doing something different or moral in your own heart and in your God's eye? Again, the conscience decision to make a change. At what point do you stop ignoring that elderly lady who shops at your favorite store every Tuesday with you? When do you finally speak to the mailman instead of giving him the evil eye? Mabey you've let the neighborhood kids cut your yard and afterwards handed out freezy pops. And mabey, two weeks ago, you spoke to that person you avoided cause you would swear up and down that you both "hated" each other. Why would you do such a thing?
Have we learned to be better people or worse? Have we given ourselves to much or not enough? What have we given that we do not recognize our own face? What have we learned? To be nice? To put others before you? To be kind rewind? But how about that; let's rewind. So we've extened ourselves in a direction. We've either did right, did wrong or did something different. Have we learned to do something different and that difference has grown us to a place of none recognition? I say yes. If we have tried and done something out of our normal comfortable box, that has either affected us inside so much so as to effect our preception of ourselves on the outside, I say our eyes are just catching up to everythng else.
Change is about learning, its about growing. Henry Ford, said that, "anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty."
So, do we think that we've learned all that we had to learn. You are a crazy person to believe that. We are steadily growing, changing and learning. If you haven't really looked in the mirror in a while then mabey, its time. Mabey we've learned some things that we now must reflect on. Now we must determine if we want this change. You can learn from it, if you want it or, you will learn that this new change is not for you and you go back to your old ways. Again Henry Ford said it best.
All I can say is, change, learn grow. "Let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance." And may we recognize when change is happening on the inside so that we may never be startled by what we see on the outside. Let the two be in harmony and be just. For we decide our paths and God will lead us.
Works sited
God's Graduate;Moore K pg:24,92, 116
Holy Bible
Pg:Proverbs 16:9;2Peter 3:18; Proverbs 1:5
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